2.03.2009

Discontent.

I feel blue. I mean, I'm not really upset, but just... blue. 

After having Story, things just aren't the same. Obviously, they aren't. I don't mean it in an obvious way. I mean it in a way like... things just aren't the same. 

I don't know how to juggle everything. I don't know how people work 5 days a week at jobs where they have actual work to do, unlike my job that consists of not a lot of work and a lot of Facebook checking. I don't know how people have organized houses. I don't know how people squeeze time in for hobbies. I was thinking about it the other day: I don't even know what my hobbies are. I don't know how people have time to do anything other than what is absolutely necessary for life: laundry, dishes, groceries, and trips to Target. I don't have time to clean my house. How do people do it? How do people spend quiet evenings at home together? How do people spend quiet evenings at home with their family? I can't figure it out, and therefore, I kind of feel like a big, fat failure. Why aren't I better at doing this? 

How do people do it? 

I miss lots of things too. I miss listening to music. I miss being any kind of "indie." I miss my Chuck Taylors. 

I feel old. I feel old.

5 comments:

The Maiden Metallurgist said...

I don't think people do it all. Not really. I think when you hear about a woman who makes all organic food for her family everynight and uses only cloth diapers you don't hear about how she no longer reads or goes for walks. You hear about families who spend game nights and movie nights together, but you don't hear that they leave the laundry for tomorrow. There just aren't enough hours in the day to do it all, let alone to do it all well.

I hope you are easy on yourself, and kind to yourself. Espically now, when you are adjusting to your new life as a do it all mom. Just remember, there really is no such thing.

Jo said...

Seriously, this is so normal. And you know what, It's OK to not be perfect.

But, and this is important, I think, for every mother: Taking care of your needs is just as important as taking care of your child's needs.

You can still rock out, but at a reasonable volume.

Michelle said...

I promise it will get better. You need to make sure every once in a while you just get out for a minute. If you every need me to watch Story for you so you can run some errands, read a book, go for a walk, or take a bubble bath let me know. I felt the same way but would feel quilty on top of that. Call me if you need to!

Kate said...

Thanks guys, that really did make me feel better...

Tim Cook said...

Cheer up, balance does come. some things that used to happen because you were bored, like listening to music, are things you actually have to make time for now...having kids in the house changes things, but you will find a new normal, given time.