For my midday snack today I had string cheese and yogurt. Not too bad, but definitely missing the salty and crunchiness that I really need in the afternoon. Fortunately for me, unfortunate for BFL, there was a huge bowl of Rold Gold pretzels out in the office this afternoon.
I've had several handfuls. Ugh, I miss pretzels!
Coffee is the one trendy thing I can really follow through on. I don't wear especially cool clothes. My hair makes me look like someone's mom. I don't own skinny jeans or Chuck Taylors. Coffee was the one thing I could do that made me feel like someone who has their life together. Someone who was cool. Someone who could get away with wearing that newsboy hat.
Being on BFL, I realize that I didn't eat too bad before I started the program. True, it wasn't a very well-balanced diet, but I don't think I was doing too bad. I feel confident that when my 12 weeks are over, I'll be able to pretty well stick to eating this way for a good long while (it's called body for life for a reason).
But I also know that I damn well will have my coffee with creamer every morning if I please. And if it means losing an ounce of muscle or gaining a couple pounds, so be it.
Also this is just getting hard. With our social life, it's really hard and sad for me to not be able to eat and have fun with my friends whenever I want. For example, we went to a huge bonfire this past Friday night and they had hot dogs, s'mores, and hot chocolate. I had a hot dog only because my strong aversion to meat kept me from eating much more than string cheese, yogurt, and peanut butter crackers all day and my stomach was hurting I was so hungry. I felt really guilty about that hot dog, too.
So, I guess the novelty of BFL has officially worn off, and I'm starting to feel like I'm about to quit or let myself down again like I did today or something crazy like that. I just really hate having to plan around what social event is going on that weekend with when I can eat something unauthorized. Like a freaking s'more.
Sigh, I guess I'm just having a bad day.
It's week 2, and I'm doing well, and slowly seeing some results, but damn if office parties don't just make me want to eat the delicious treats that someone brought in. I mean, if there was a huge stack of soft-pretzels over there I might have to cave.
Well, actually it started last night. Since Skip and I like to go out with friends a lot, we decided to start our free day with dinner on Saturday night (and we ate authorized all day until then) and going up through midday snack on Sunday. Then, Sunday night's dinner has to be authorized as well and the week goes on according to BFL until the next free day.
Here is the beauty of the free day: it's realistic. Thinking to myself, "I have to wait 12 weeks before I can eat the things I love," makes me want to die and give up. But thinking, "I just have to make it until Saturday night and then I can have an iced coffee, or some ice cream, etc." Waiting until the end of the week is way easier than waiting until the end of 3 months.
Last night Skip and I went to the Spaghetti Factory. It was incredible. It was amazing how much more we appreciated that dinner and savored every bite of it than if we'd, say, had pizza the night before and had eaten like crap the rest of the week up until that amazing Spaghetti Factory dinner. This morning before church we are going to McDonald's where I will have an iced coffee! For lunch I plan to eat something wonderful like maybe macaroni and cheese or Qdoba. This also makes grocery shopping a lot easier because after I've had a fill of some decent junk food, it won't be so hard to walk right past those aisles in the grocery store while I shop for next week's authorized menu.
I love me some free day.
I'm just not very hungry lately. I really don't want to eat meat, or raw veggies. I need some food with more flavor and variety. Skip got Eating for Life last night from the library so I'm really excited to make food that is good and hot and delicious, instead of boring stuff. I realized that I don't know how to cook healthy foods, let alone authorized, so I guess I just don't know what I'm allowed to cook with. I'm excited to use this book and make some good food to eat throughout the week. Because right now I'm just kinda grossed out.
Sigh. So Skip is checking out a book for me called Eating For Life written by the BFL guy. I'm excited about it so I can make some tastier, authorized foods. Because right now plain chicken breast just does not cut it. I want peanut butter!! I want a recipe! I want deliciousness!
I also realized today that I'm really excited about seeing what kind of results I get. However, this also means that I'm scared I won't get the results I'm anticipating. It helps me through to realize that I don't actually have a lot of weight that I want to lose (I want to get more toned), but still, I'm scared I will just look the same after 12 weeks of hard work.
But I'm trying not to focus on that. I'm trying to keep myself in check and focusing on just the week ahead, and not on the full 3 months I'll be doing this. One week at a time...
Today we taught a class at work, and we always order food in for trainings. We get these boxed lunches that have a sandwich of some kind, pasta or potato salad, and some kind of wonderful brownie in it. We also had chips and stuff out for an afternoon snack. I ate none of the chips, had half of my veggie wrap for lunch, the other half for my next meal 2.5 hours later, and didn't eat the pasta salad or chocolate brownie with caramel and nuts. I'm strong, y'all. I suppose I could have brought in my own snacks or lunch and ate a tad more authorized (although I could have chosen the chicken salad on a croissant or the BLT wrap), and I plan to when my meal replacement Myoplex bars get here, but I guess I was just a little embarrassed to do that. I guess I have to get over that.
Mainly I'm really excited. I'm ready to make this change in my life and get refocused on what is important to me, and that's exercising and being healthy. I'm also happy that Skip will be doing the Challenge with me. Not only will he be support, but this will be such a great way for us to spend time together and really doing something together as a team.
Ok so basically I need a lot of support from anyone reading this (you can leave comments!) and wish me luck! We took our "before" pictures yesterday, but I don't know if I want to post mine. I feel too shy! I mean, it is me standing there, full body shot, looking at the camera while I'm standing in my underwear and I feel like I look chubby. Maybe I will post them along with our 6 week progress pictures? I don't know!
The other lady, Sarah Brown, I just think is really hot and I'd love to look like her. Unfortunately, I never will because we have different body shapes. But isn't she pretty!
You can click on these ladies' links and see what supplements they used and what their meal plans looked like while they were on BFL. It really helps! I will look at these two everyday to keep myself motivated. They were able to get those rock-hard bodies in only 12 weeks! That is amazing.
And then I went to dinner and my plan of eating completely authorized tonight was totally shot. Let's not discuss it. But now I know that one of my bigger challenges during the next 12 weeks will be eating out with friends.
I have, however, worked out every night that I've been out of town. I even went to the YMCA with my co-workers tonight and did my cardio! That was great.
On another note, my butt hurts really bad from doing squats and lunges yesterday. It feels great, though. I miss this feeling.
These 12 weeks are going to be so hard, but even during this trial run, I'm really happy to be fitting this into my schedule again.
I am finding myself trying to use the fact that this week is a trial week or that I'm out of town as an excuse to eat whatever I want. I think I'm doing pretty good though and acknowledging that I'm making excuses. At the same time, I'm also trying to cut myself a little slack. I know that I might not always have access to the healthiest of foods, and in that case it's a matter of watching my portions and doing the best I can. While I'm going to follow BFL as closely as I can, I also realize that I can't be perfect, all I can do is try my best. That is really hard for me.
In other news, I very strongly dislike Springfield, MO. I just don't like it. I do however like the fact that I am watching "Judge Judy" right now for the first time in probably a year. I really love this show.
Maybe I'm a little nervous about my business trip, or maybe I didn't eat enough yesterday, or maybe I didn't space my meals very efficiently. I did however pack my travel bands so I can get some resistance training in at the hotel, and I plan to try and stick as closely to BFL's eating plan as I can while I'm away.
Unfortunately, I really feel like crap.
1) I might need to start waking up a bit earlier than 6am. Today I was finished and ready for work with no problems, but I was also ready and excited to get started and I know I won't always be quite so eager to get up and work out.
2) Another concern I have is my cardio days. I want to do this without joining a gym, but when I wake up at 6am it's still dark out and I don't especially want to go wandering around my neighborhood with headphones on in the dark. And since it will only be getting darker outside, this may be a problem. I might just have to wait until 6:30am to do my 20 minutes of cardio or do it in the evenings.
Otherwise I feel pretty good about today. It's great knowing that I already have my meals and snacks planned and prepared. I think that will really be key in my success but also it's going to be really hard keeping up with all the planning and grocery shopping. But that's what this week is for: to plan and prepare so that when I officially start on October 8th I'll be ready! Also, my Uncle Guy is doing BFL too and he starts today! This is probably his millionth cycle of BFL so I am definitely going to look to him for encouragement and support. I hope he's ready! Plus, in 3 months we can totally compare our awesome bodies. Hooray!