guilt and hardships.

Today, my cardio day, I woke up ready to go. I even went to bed early last night. I went to let Tucker outside before I changed into my walking/running clothes, only to find it rainy and about 40 degrees outside. Oh, and it was still dark outside, as usual. I decided not to go for my cardio. I don't like going out in the dark anyway, and the rain and cold were equally deterrent. So I felt very guilty. I'm trying to remind myself that it's ok to not be 100% perfect, but I also don't want to give myself so much slack that I continue to not workout on certain days. I need to get a yoga mat, that way I can do a Pilates DVD in our living room (it has hardwood floors, I need a mat) in case this happens again.

Also this is just getting hard. With our social life, it's really hard and sad for me to not be able to eat and have fun with my friends whenever I want. For example, we went to a huge bonfire this past Friday night and they had hot dogs, s'mores, and hot chocolate. I had a hot dog only because my strong aversion to meat kept me from eating much more than string cheese, yogurt, and peanut butter crackers all day and my stomach was hurting I was so hungry. I felt really guilty about that hot dog, too.

So, I guess the novelty of BFL has officially worn off, and I'm starting to feel like I'm about to quit or let myself down again like I did today or something crazy like that. I just really hate having to plan around what social event is going on that weekend with when I can eat something unauthorized. Like a freaking s'more.

Sigh, I guess I'm just having a bad day.


Kris said...

oh no! this is too sad. Kate, its totally okay that you didn't do cardio today because you can totally do it when you get home. Maybe you can take Skip's laptop in your work out room and do the DVD in there because it has carpet. Also buying a mat will totally cheer you up, because hello, its buying something. Also you have been doing so good - don't even think about stopping. Plus this blog is too awesome.

Josh said...

A few years ago I lived with two dogs. And whenever I would try and do yoga in the living room the dogs would swarm to me, presumably thinking, "Finally! He's on our level!" Needless to say, they were always bumping into me. So I would have to close them in somewhere. But then they would bark, knowing what was going on in the living room that they were missing. And with dogs barking you can't really be very "zen".

I guess my point is, doing yoga at home when you have a dog can be tricky.

...And also, there should be some kind of joke about downward facing dog in there somewhere. It's just too early for me to think of it.

Anonymous said...

Hey girl!

Sorry, I was behind on reading your blog...

Actually go out in the cold and rain some time. You might actually find that you like it... I absolutely love running in the rain! There's something about it that makes you feel 5 years old again. That when you get home your mom is going to yell at you for being out in the cold rain. It's fun... try it!

The other Katie... no, the other one... Wachter