pretzels.

Near the top of my list of favorite foods resides pretzels. I like all types of pretzels. I like pretzel rods, honey wheat pretzel twists, Rold Gold pretzels, those really fat, hard, crunchy ones, and, pretzel of pretzels: the soft pretzel.

For my midday snack today I had string cheese and yogurt. Not too bad, but definitely missing the salty and crunchiness that I really need in the afternoon. Fortunately for me, unfortunate for BFL, there was a huge bowl of Rold Gold pretzels out in the office this afternoon.

I've had several handfuls. Ugh, I miss pretzels!

inches!

Week three has been the hardest week yet. It's hard to see any visible results of all this authorized eating and exercising everyday. BFL is no longer a novelty and, it's official, I hate eating all this meat. I hate it and it's really hard for me to do it. Especially if I'm the one who has to cook it. Ground beef is about the only thing that doesn't gross me out, but raw chicken, ground turkey, steaks... *shudder* I can't do it. I can, but not without force.

But yesterday made it all worthwhile. After a particularly lackluster week of rainy mornings and saving my cardio or workouts for after work (which kind of makes me feel like I'm doing BFL wrong, which I'm not, I can work out any time during the day), I was feeling like a failure a little bit. So, while I was lifting weights at home, I decided to bust out the measuring tape and check my measurements.

I've lost inches! I've lost one inch from around my waist, an inch and a half around my hips, a half inch from each bicep and each calf! Small, minuscule inches, but still!! It definitely gave me a much-needed push and encouragement, as well as totally made my day.

As we enter week four, we should start to see more noticeable results. I think around week 5 or 6 is when they say you start to see changes the fastest, so that is exciting. And to make it even better, Skip and I started our free day yesterday with a frozen custard face off, so guess what I got to have this morning? You guessed it:

coffee.

I miss coffee. Out of everything in the whole world I can't eat while on Body For Life, I miss coffee the most. I miss stopping at Bucky's gas station, filling up my tank, and then getting a cup of coffee with vanilla creamer and Splenda. I miss the slow, rainy days at work where I leave mid-morning to go to Bread Co. and get some kind of latte. When I read books and the story leads the characters to a coffee shop for bagels and, you guessed it, coffee, I get a little sad. I miss the term, "Let's go get coffee," because even when I say it to someone, I know that really means I will have to get tea. And I used to like tea. But now I'm a coffee girl. Through and through.

Coffee is the one trendy thing I can really follow through on. I don't wear especially cool clothes. My hair makes me look like someone's mom. I don't own skinny jeans or Chuck Taylors. Coffee was the one thing I could do that made me feel like someone who has their life together. Someone who was cool. Someone who could get away with wearing that newsboy hat.

Being on BFL, I realize that I didn't eat too bad before I started the program. True, it wasn't a very well-balanced diet, but I don't think I was doing too bad. I feel confident that when my 12 weeks are over, I'll be able to pretty well stick to eating this way for a good long while (it's called body for life for a reason).

But I also know that I damn well will have my coffee with creamer every morning if I please. And if it means losing an ounce of muscle or gaining a couple pounds, so be it.

guilt and hardships.

Today, my cardio day, I woke up ready to go. I even went to bed early last night. I went to let Tucker outside before I changed into my walking/running clothes, only to find it rainy and about 40 degrees outside. Oh, and it was still dark outside, as usual. I decided not to go for my cardio. I don't like going out in the dark anyway, and the rain and cold were equally deterrent. So I felt very guilty. I'm trying to remind myself that it's ok to not be 100% perfect, but I also don't want to give myself so much slack that I continue to not workout on certain days. I need to get a yoga mat, that way I can do a Pilates DVD in our living room (it has hardwood floors, I need a mat) in case this happens again.

Also this is just getting hard. With our social life, it's really hard and sad for me to not be able to eat and have fun with my friends whenever I want. For example, we went to a huge bonfire this past Friday night and they had hot dogs, s'mores, and hot chocolate. I had a hot dog only because my strong aversion to meat kept me from eating much more than string cheese, yogurt, and peanut butter crackers all day and my stomach was hurting I was so hungry. I felt really guilty about that hot dog, too.

So, I guess the novelty of BFL has officially worn off, and I'm starting to feel like I'm about to quit or let myself down again like I did today or something crazy like that. I just really hate having to plan around what social event is going on that weekend with when I can eat something unauthorized. Like a freaking s'more.

Sigh, I guess I'm just having a bad day.

sore.

Now this is what I'm talkin' 'bout! My arms are really sore! I might sound weird, but I love this feeling. I can feel what seems like almost every muscle in my arms right now and I love it. This feeling is what inspired my blog URL to be "i hurt all over", because right now I kind of do! I don't know, to me it just feels really refreshing to feel sore. I'm not sore like I can't lift my arms or move, I'm just sore in the sense that I feel like I worked out hard yesterday and I love it.

me want cookies.

I'm blogging right now to distract myself from the Boss' Day gathering that is going on just cubicles away. Today is National Boss Day and everyone was instructed to bring some kind of wonderful goodie to eat to celebrate our Bosses. Well, I ate my Peanut Butter Crisp Carb Control EAS bar for a snack (as per BFL) about 30 minutes ago so that when this little party got going I wouldn't be tempted by the junk food. I was wrong. All I want to do is dig into that huge mound of cookies and eat one! There's also delicious cheese over there as well! I haven't let myself look at all the food because I don't want to make not eating it harder than it already is, but in plain view there sits a bowl full of Cheez-Its and Pringles. Ugh, I love Cheez-Its and Pringles!!

It's week 2, and I'm doing well, and slowly seeing some results, but damn if office parties don't just make me want to eat the delicious treats that someone brought in. I mean, if there was a huge stack of soft-pretzels over there I might have to cave.

free day!

Today, ladies and gentleman, is the best part of Body-for-Life: the free day. For 6 days a week, I exercised, ate right, ate meat (blech), and exercised some more. But Sundays... ah Sundays. I get to not work out, and I get to eat whatever I want, as much as I want. Today, my friend, is my free day.

Well, actually it started last night. Since Skip and I like to go out with friends a lot, we decided to start our free day with dinner on Saturday night (and we ate authorized all day until then) and going up through midday snack on Sunday. Then, Sunday night's dinner has to be authorized as well and the week goes on according to BFL until the next free day.

Here is the beauty of the free day: it's realistic. Thinking to myself, "I have to wait 12 weeks before I can eat the things I love," makes me want to die and give up. But thinking, "I just have to make it until Saturday night and then I can have an iced coffee, or some ice cream, etc." Waiting until the end of the week is way easier than waiting until the end of 3 months.

Last night Skip and I went to the Spaghetti Factory. It was incredible. It was amazing how much more we appreciated that dinner and savored every bite of it than if we'd, say, had pizza the night before and had eaten like crap the rest of the week up until that amazing Spaghetti Factory dinner. This morning before church we are going to McDonald's where I will have an iced coffee! For lunch I plan to eat something wonderful like maybe macaroni and cheese or Qdoba. This also makes grocery shopping a lot easier because after I've had a fill of some decent junk food, it won't be so hard to walk right past those aisles in the grocery store while I shop for next week's authorized menu.

I love me some free day.

yuck.

Ugh, the lunch I just had was terrible. I like to buy Lean Cuisines for lunch, however, until I started BFL, I liked to eat their pizzas, lasagnas, or sesame chicken (mm... so good). BFL allows for frozen meals like that on their food plan, but it warns to watch the fat and sodium content. Well in those meals, the fat and sodium isn't bad, but I guess it would be considered a little high for BFL purposes. So I've been trying to buy the ones with chicken and vegetables. Today I had almond chicken with rice and veggies, only I didn't poke the top of it enough to let the steam vent out, and it was very soggy and very disgusting. So I only had a few bites before I threw it away.

I'm just not very hungry lately. I really don't want to eat meat, or raw veggies. I need some food with more flavor and variety. Skip got Eating for Life last night from the library so I'm really excited to make food that is good and hot and delicious, instead of boring stuff. I realized that I don't know how to cook healthy foods, let alone authorized, so I guess I just don't know what I'm allowed to cook with. I'm excited to use this book and make some good food to eat throughout the week. Because right now I'm just kinda grossed out.

cravings: the problem.

I think I've found my biggest problem: my cravings. Not that I am constantly craving McDonald's or chocolate brownies or .. ok, now I totally am craving them. My point is, the eating plan of BFL includes eating, at every meal, one serving of protein, one serving of a carbohydrate, and one serving of vegetables at two of the six meals you are supposed to be eating throughout the day. My problem is that I hate meat. I don't like meat very much, and I certainly never crave it. Even chicken. I'm never like, "Oh man a chicken sandwich would be so great right now!" Mostly I'm like, "I could really eat some peanut butter crackers." Peanut butter crackers aren't too bad for you, but they're not considered really "authorized."

Sigh. So Skip is checking out a book for me called Eating For Life written by the BFL guy. I'm excited about it so I can make some tastier, authorized foods. Because right now plain chicken breast just does not cut it. I want peanut butter!! I want a recipe! I want deliciousness!

energy

Ok well today was day 2, and it's kind of incredible how awesome I feel. Of course I'm not seeing results yet, I don't think I'll really start to see results until week 5 or 6 (that's what I've heard), but I feel great. Skip mentioned today that even though getting up at 6am to go for a run (in the dark) sucked really bad, but during the day he felt like he'd actually gained an hour of sleep. And that's when I realized that I felt energized too! I don't feel so heavy or yucky or tired, I feel pretty okay, and so far that is awesome.

I also realized today that I'm really excited about seeing what kind of results I get. However, this also means that I'm scared I won't get the results I'm anticipating. It helps me through to realize that I don't actually have a lot of weight that I want to lose (I want to get more toned), but still, I'm scared I will just look the same after 12 weeks of hard work.

But I'm trying not to focus on that. I'm trying to keep myself in check and focusing on just the week ahead, and not on the full 3 months I'll be doing this. One week at a time...

Today we taught a class at work, and we always order food in for trainings. We get these boxed lunches that have a sandwich of some kind, pasta or potato salad, and some kind of wonderful brownie in it. We also had chips and stuff out for an afternoon snack. I ate none of the chips, had half of my veggie wrap for lunch, the other half for my next meal 2.5 hours later, and didn't eat the pasta salad or chocolate brownie with caramel and nuts. I'm strong, y'all. I suppose I could have brought in my own snacks or lunch and ate a tad more authorized (although I could have chosen the chicken salad on a croissant or the BLT wrap), and I plan to when my meal replacement Myoplex bars get here, but I guess I was just a little embarrassed to do that. I guess I have to get over that.

OFFICIAL Day 1!!

Well, it's finally here! Today is my official start for the Body For Life 12 week challenge! Last night Skip and I sat down and planned our meals for the week, made a grocery list, and went shopping! Eating healthy is going to cost a little bit more than we're used to spending on groceries, but we will be spending significantly less going out to eat and, duh, we'll be eating better and living a healthier lifestyle.

Mainly I'm really excited. I'm ready to make this change in my life and get refocused on what is important to me, and that's exercising and being healthy. I'm also happy that Skip will be doing the Challenge with me. Not only will he be support, but this will be such a great way for us to spend time together and really doing something together as a team.

Ok so basically I need a lot of support from anyone reading this (you can leave comments!) and wish me luck! We took our "before" pictures yesterday, but I don't know if I want to post mine. I feel too shy! I mean, it is me standing there, full body shot, looking at the camera while I'm standing in my underwear and I feel like I look chubby. Maybe I will post them along with our 6 week progress pictures? I don't know!

recap

Ok, so this has been a very long week. I started off great, but I'll be very honest, the fact that this wasn't my official start week really got to me and by today, I'm not being as good. Also, I'm trying to pay closer attention to how I feel when I eat, and I've realized that when I'm sad or upset, that's when I really just want to treat myself. Today I was bummed because I had to spend the day by myself so I ate a soft pretzel (probably #1 on my all-time favorite foods list) along with a regular Coke (this is my #1 all-time favorite combo). I don't even like drinking regular pop, except if it's with a soft pretzel. And I only drank about half, because by then I'd finished my pretzel and I dumped the rest out.

Anyway, so by today I am feeling kind of blah, kind of how I felt before I was eating really good up through Thursday evening. So here is what I know so far:

1) eating out is going to be a big challenge for me.

2) emotional eating is going to be a big challenge for me.

3) I have to plan my meals. I didn't plan anything today and I'm wondering what the heck I'm supposed to eat and/or I know what I should eat and I don't want to.

4) this is going to be really hard.

On Wednesday and Thursday, my body felt really weird because, I think, it was sort of detoxing. I wasn't eating anything really fatty or salty, and my body knew it and was pissed. And now that I've filled up on some junk, I feel back to normal. Very tricky.

5) my body is going to try and trick me.

I ordered my nutrition bars and they should be here by the end of the week. I am going to use these as snacks or meal replacements. I've also printed out pictures of these two ladies I am using as inspiration and will post them in my workout room. The first lady, Jen Weatherman, has a body type similar to mine so she is the one I am trying to copy as much as I can.

The other lady, Sarah Brown, I just think is really hot and I'd love to look like her. Unfortunately, I never will because we have different body shapes. But isn't she pretty!

You can click on these ladies' links and see what supplements they used and what their meal plans looked like while they were on BFL. It really helps! I will look at these two everyday to keep myself motivated. They were able to get those rock-hard bodies in only 12 weeks! That is amazing.

McDonald's

I gotta tell you guys something. I love McDonald's. I just do. I really do. And let me tell you something, I really love sausage mcmuffins. And today I had about 5 sausage mcmuffins sitting on a platter, just waiting for me. I didn't have even a bite of one! I was really proud of myself.

And then I went to dinner and my plan of eating completely authorized tonight was totally shot. Let's not discuss it. But now I know that one of my bigger challenges during the next 12 weeks will be eating out with friends.

I have, however, worked out every night that I've been out of town. I even went to the YMCA with my co-workers tonight and did my cardio! That was great.

On another note, my butt hurts really bad from doing squats and lunges yesterday. It feels great, though. I miss this feeling.

These 12 weeks are going to be so hard, but even during this trial run, I'm really happy to be fitting this into my schedule again.

out of town

Today I've done pretty well. I didn't eat dinner last night since I was driving so late in bad weather and I just wanted to get to the hotel. Then I was so tired I didn't feel like leaving to go to McDonald's or something. I decided to wait for the free breakfast in the morning. This morning I ate scrambled eggs and an English muffin. Lunch was from Panera/St. Louis Bread Co. so I tried to watch my portions, put a lot of salad on my plate, and didn't eat chips or any of the dozens of cookies they sent over. I was proud! Now I'm I going to use my travel bands to get in a lower body workout and tomorrow I can use the hotel's treadmill for my cardio.

I am finding myself trying to use the fact that this week is a trial week or that I'm out of town as an excuse to eat whatever I want. I think I'm doing pretty good though and acknowledging that I'm making excuses. At the same time, I'm also trying to cut myself a little slack. I know that I might not always have access to the healthiest of foods, and in that case it's a matter of watching my portions and doing the best I can. While I'm going to follow BFL as closely as I can, I also realize that I can't be perfect, all I can do is try my best. That is really hard for me.

In other news, I very strongly dislike Springfield, MO. I just don't like it. I do however like the fact that I am watching "Judge Judy" right now for the first time in probably a year. I really love this show.

trial day 2

Ugh, well today is not going well at all! I got a good night's sleep last night because I didn't have to go into work until later today since I will be driving for 3 hours this evening for my business trip. I woke up this morning with a little bit of a headache so I took some Excedrin. After I went for my walk with my dog, Tucker, I felt really shaky and sick. I thought maybe it was because I had forgotten to drink some water before I went. Anyway, as the morning went on, even after I'd had breakfast and drank a bunch of water, I just kept feeling sicker and sicker. I felt shaky, like my blood sugar was low. So I packed some food for the day, had an apple, and then ate a Snickers which is cleary not authorized but I just wanted to get my sugar up. Anyway, about 1.5 hours later I still feel sick. I think maybe because I had to eat my dinner pretty early yesterday at 5 pm since I had class at 5:30. Then, the only thing I could eat before I went to bed was a 60 calorie pudding cup at 8:30, after I'd come home from class. So that's something I need to work out. Maybe I need to eat something during my class, like on our break.

Maybe I'm a little nervous about my business trip, or maybe I didn't eat enough yesterday, or maybe I didn't space my meals very efficiently. I did however pack my travel bands so I can get some resistance training in at the hotel, and I plan to try and stick as closely to BFL's eating plan as I can while I'm away.

Unfortunately, I really feel like crap.

trial day 1

Today is trial day number one! It's only noon but I can already see some adjustments I'm going to have to make.

1) I might need to start waking up a bit earlier than 6am. Today I was finished and ready for work with no problems, but I was also ready and excited to get started and I know I won't always be quite so eager to get up and work out.

2) Another concern I have is my cardio days. I want to do this without joining a gym, but when I wake up at 6am it's still dark out and I don't especially want to go wandering around my neighborhood with headphones on in the dark. And since it will only be getting darker outside, this may be a problem. I might just have to wait until 6:30am to do my 20 minutes of cardio or do it in the evenings.

Otherwise I feel pretty good about today. It's great knowing that I already have my meals and snacks planned and prepared. I think that will really be key in my success but also it's going to be really hard keeping up with all the planning and grocery shopping. But that's what this week is for: to plan and prepare so that when I officially start on October 8th I'll be ready! Also, my Uncle Guy is doing BFL too and he starts today! This is probably his millionth cycle of BFL so I am definitely going to look to him for encouragement and support. I hope he's ready! Plus, in 3 months we can totally compare our awesome bodies. Hooray!